I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
