It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
