eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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