She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
