Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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