Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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