You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
