when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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