1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
