he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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