It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
