I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
