tell your sister to shave her snatch
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
