Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
