and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
