i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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