Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize