the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
