I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I wish there were birth control emojis
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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