My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
