i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
