I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize