There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
