If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
