Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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