so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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