You really coming over, don't trick.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
