what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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