Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize