Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
