didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize