I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
