I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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