Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
