It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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