There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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