That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
