just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
