just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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