Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
