I want to make a zoo with you.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize