He uses pillows to masturbate.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
