so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
