I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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