I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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