Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
farters have to be the big spoon...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize