Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
