I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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