So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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