ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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