It's like God shit irony all over that family
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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