Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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