all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
