just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
