Its about making memories worth repressing
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
