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• (312): View more from Illinois

  i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.

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• (209): View more from California

  You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.

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