Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
