girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
