Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
