DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize