No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
