I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
