Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
