a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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