People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
