He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
