My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
