You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
