i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
