Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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