I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
