what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
