So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
