You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
