ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
