Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
