'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
