So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
third nipple confirmed
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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