we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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