she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
