Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
