it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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