walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
pray to the hookup gods
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
