Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
