Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
