And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
