No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
