Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
MIDGETS
????
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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